Listen to Your Heart
by In the Canis Major
Summary: It was hard enough, with her being an auror and in the order of Phoenix. But when her husband was too, and maybe right now fighting the darkest wizard of all time, it was agonizing. “It’s not fair.” She choked out. Based on the song Listen to Your Heart.


**Listen to Your Heart**

Tonks was nervously tapping her fingers. Her baby boy was sleeping, but she was restless. It was hard enough for her family,with her being an auror and in the order of Phoenix. But when her husband was also in the order of Phoenix and possibly right now fighting the darkest wizard of all time, it was horribly agonizing. She was in her mother's home which seemed dreary and grey since her father had run away. Now he was dead. Her mother didn't talk much anymore.

Tonks really missed her dad. They used to go to the muggle world to see movies and get ice cream and listen to muggle music.

And as much as she loved the Weird Sisters, her favorite song had always been muggle. She loved to listen to it, but never really got any meaning from it. Until now.

_I know there's something in the wake of your smile.  
I get a notion from the look in your eyes,_

_You've built a love but that love falls apart.  
Your little piece of heaven turns too dark._

"Story of my life." She said to herself bitterly. As soon as everything was better, as soon as Remus told her he loved her, he left to fight in a stupid, stupid war. She was surprised as a tear trickled down her cheek.

She was being selfish, so, so selfish. Before her boy was born she would have been just as eager to get out and fight to death in that stupid, stupid war.

_Listen to your heart  
when he's calling for you._

She felt the hot tears run down her cheeks. She had been crying so much recently. Crying for her heart. When she was finally content, Remus had to leave her tell her he wasn't good enough. He put her into a state of depression. And then when they were finally married, and she was pregnant, he had to say he wasn't good enough. And now, when everything was finally, finally okay again, he had to just leap out the door.

_Listen to your heart  
there's nothing else you can do._

He could be anywhere. He could be doing anything. He could be _dead_.

_I don't know where you're going  
and I don't know why,_

It was a weird sensation. Feeling helpless. All her life, Tonks had wanted to be extreme, because she knew she was special. Always. She wanted to stand up for whatever she had to do. She didn't need anyone's protection.

_But listen to your heart  
before you tell him goodbye._

She couldn't deal with this. She couldn't wait here for hours and hours and hours only to find out when it was over, _if _it was over, that Remus was gone.

She wanted to scream.

"ARRRGHHH!!!!" She said, pounding her fists onto the table. Teddy started stirring.

"Dora? Is everything okay?" Her mother called, coming up the stairs."

"Yeah, mum. Every-everything's fine." She said softly, not really looking at her.

Tonks went over to pick up her son, rocking him quietly. Contented, his hair turned blue and he sighed and gently went back to sleep. She put him back in the crib.

Her mother gave her a worried look.

"Dora?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I really am." She looked into her mother's eyes, and more tears sprang out.

_Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile.  
The precious moments are all lost in the tide_

"It's not fair." She choked out. "If he's dead. Teddy won't ever remember him. I c-can't deal wi-with t-that." She starting gasping out sobs as her mother went to hug her.

"He's strong, Dora. So are you." But she didn't reassure her that he would be alive.

"I don't want him to die." She said childishly. She felt selfish again, looking at her mother, who had just lost her husband. She had just lost her father. "I won't be able to live if he's dead."

_They're swept away and nothing is what it seems  
the feeling of belonging to your dreams._

"I thought so too," He mother said. "But I have you and my grandson."

This only made her cry more. "He won't have a father. We've-we've go so f-far."

"Dora. He might not be dead."

"B-but I d-don't know if he is!"

_And there are voices  
that want to be heard.  
So much to mention  
but you can't find the words__._

"I love him so much. If I was there with him, we could, we could make it out together."

Her mother's lips pursed in dissatisfaction. She didn't want her daughter going out the door. Andromeda felt some prickling wetness at her own eyes.

Her daughter was so strong. No, she still is strong.

_Listen to your heart._

She's just like me, she thought.

_When he's calling for you._

When she was young arguing with her parents and her sisters. Saying she didn't care about blood. She just cared if she couldn't see Ted again.

They almost convinced her.

But when she was sitting in her room in that big house, she felt empty.

_Listen to your heart._

"If you leave now, I'll hate you forever, Drom." Bella had said.

"Yeah? Well, I hate you now, so I really have nothing to lose."

She wanted to scream at her sister. She had felt out of place with her family for nearly the past decade, but she hadn't said anything. She couldn't say anything. But she had to speak up for herself today.

_There's nothing else you can do._

She climbed out of her window and she knew what she had to do. She thought she couldn't live without him. And if she had to, she would die. It was cold hard irony staring back at her.

_I don't know where you're going, and I don't know why._

"_Listen to your heart_, sweetie." Her mother said softly, letting warm tears down her cheeks as well.

Tonks hugged her mother. The two stared at each other for the last time.

She disappeared.

_Before you tell him good-bye._

**The song is called 'Listen to Your Heart' by Roxette. Hope you enjoyed, the song was so perfect and I had to write this. I normally wouldn't have done a song-fic. Thanks for reading.**


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